


Misery's Business

by ironicosity



Series: vent fics by beck [2]
Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Depression, Fluff and Angst, M/M, but its like the "numbness" aspect of depression, but not sad, okay well like its sad, tyjo needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 01:12:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7078333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironicosity/pseuds/ironicosity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His mouth felt like it was glued shut. Not that he had anything to say; his mind was completely blank. He used what little energy he had to wrap his arm around Josh, curling in closer to him. Tyler felt like he was where he belonged. He also kind of felt nothing. Mostly nothing.<br/>It was better to have the aftertaste of home than pain, though, so Tyler didn't quite mind the emptiness that came along for the ride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Misery's Business

**Author's Note:**

> heyy so im supposed to be working on The Gays(TM) but i thought i might post a oneshot ive had in my WIP folder for a while? i dont have a "beta" so if theres any present/past/future tense mess-ups pls excuse me :/ its summer tho so ill prob be able to get the next chap of TG soon c: thx for reading i hope u enjoy!!

It wasn't a constant sadness, like most people thought. It was Tyler thinking his best friend was leaving him when he was right by his side. It was the mornings where he wasn't so sure he was able to get up--that is, if he somehow wanted to. It was the tiredness that sleep could not fix, that coffee could not resurrect him from. It was on and off, like a light switch. One day, he could have the time of his life, laughing with Josh, loving Josh, and loving being alive. The next, however, he could envy the dead and loathe the living. 

Right now, he envied the dead. He wished he was six feet underground, but the effort it would take to kill himself was too much work. He just laid in bed all day. Josh joined him, snuggled up against his side the whole time. He only ever left to get food or to use the bathroom, but he always came straight back to Tyler's side.

“Is it Blurry again?” Josh found himself asking. Tyler didn't want to speak. Speaking was too much energy wasted, but so was nodding yes or no. He ended up just grunting an “mm-mm,” hoping Josh would understand that it meant no.

“Just… general stuff then?” Josh followed up. Tyler was glad he understood, because that took a lot of effort and he didn't want to have to do it again. This time, Tyler grunted an “mhm,” which Josh took as a yes. He hugged Tyler just a little bit tighter, burying his nose in the crook of his neck. He inhaled Tyler's scent. He smelled like home to Josh.

“I love you, Tyler. If you wanna talk about any of it, or if I can do anything, just tell me. I'm here for you.” He loved Josh with all his heart, even though he didn't understand what he was going through. That was a good thing to Tyler, though. He wouldn't wish this on anyone, not even if he hated them. He would rather Josh be ignorant than in pain.

His mouth felt like it was glued shut. Not that he had anything to say; his mind was completely blank. He used what little energy he had to wrap his arm around Josh, curling in closer to him. Tyler felt like he was where he belonged. He also kind of felt nothing. Mostly nothing.

It was better to have the aftertaste of home than pain, though, so Tyler didn't quite mind the emptiness that came along for the ride.

Somehow, the movement of wrapping his arm around Josh made him even more exhausted. He huffed his breath for a moment, relaxing every muscle in his body. He was just  _ so tired. _ He didn’t understand why he sometimes felt like this. It never gave a warning. He would just wake up and wish he hadn’t.

It was different from the depressing episodes he sometimes had. When that happened, Josh would find him staring out the window at one in the morning crying. It was different than those times, which Tyler assumed was why it was so hard for other people to understand that it was depression, but it wasn’t being depressed.

Tyler liked to call these his numb episodes, or empty episodes on occasion. It was the best way to describe how he felt.

“You’re crying,” Josh said, almost whispering. He got very quiet around Tyler when this happened. Maybe he thought he might scare him away. Whatever the reason, Tyler didn’t mind much. It was actually quite soothing.

Tyler wanted to ask, “Am I?” but that was too much work. Too much energy that he didn’t have. Instead, he  _ slowly _ moved his hand onto his cheek, wiping away the few tears that had made their way onto his face. He pulled away,  _ slowly _ opening his eyes, seeing that his hand was now wet.

His eyes made their way up to Josh’s face for the first time all day. Tyler had no idea what time it was but, judging by the yellowing sunlight and aching in his stomach, it was probably in the early evening.

His body felt like it was filled with lead.

He wanted to laugh at the thought of energy. Who had any of that these days? He was certain he would die on this bed, motionless, and he wasn't even able to care. If somebody were to push him into the street, he isn't sure if he would try to get up in time. Frankly, he isn't sure if it would matter if he did or not.

His mouth was the Sahara Desert, but he still croaked out a hello. He could feel himself coming back to life.

It was slow and steady, but his tongue ran over his teeth and he was awake. It seemed like he slept for years. He felt kind of gross and stale, but all that mattered right now was becoming alive again. Later, he could worry about his hygiene.

“Hello to you, too. I’m so glad you’re back. I mean, I know you weren’t  _ gone, _ but you were gone. You know?” Josh smiled. Tyler nodded. He knew all too well about people being gone when they were right there.

“I just feel so heavy. Like, I’m not sleep-tired, but I can hardly keep my eyes open. It made it a little easier, you being here. I love you, Josh. Thanks for dealing with me.”

“No, no, no, Tyler. Don’t you say that. I don’t ‘deal with you.’ I care for you out of love. Because, shocker, I love you,” he smiled.

Tyler glanced at the alarm clock on his nightstand and sighed. It was already five in the afternoon. What a way to spend a day.

“But… you’re welcome. Do you want something to eat? I imagine you would.” Tyler solemnly nodded, tucking his head into Josh’s chest.

“Don’ want you t’go.”

Josh let out a small chuckle, kissing the top of Tyler’s head.

“I’m not going anywhere. Not ever.”


End file.
